Letting go of the world and submission to Christ.

I under go a struggle daily: to live in the world while believing in Christ and living by his word. It becomes very difficult at times. I am arrogant, petty, and judgemental during the worse times of my life. To be humble I often sacrifice the enjoyments of the world: clothes, cars, fine dining, women, booz...etc.
My works do not give access to salvation if anything it makes life a little more cold,bitter, and hard to enjoy. When I live as a man in man's world I find myself becoming lost and utterly alone. There is nothing great about the achievements of men. The creation of the universe the work of GOD shows us daily that we are nothing and we need his grace to live.
To forsake the gifts of the world and accept GOD threw Christ brings one appeasement to their heart and comfort to the soul. I try to put the world on my back and I strain my neck every time and fail to budge that boulder. I submit to Christ and hopefully GOD sends the holy spirit to give me comfort.
Don't get me wrong submission to Christ is not a heavy burden. To submit to Christ and the world there exist an extreme problem. Christ says, to paraphrase: a human can not have two masters. They will love on and hate the other. I love the Lord.
To love the world is to accept the frailty of the human condition. We are all weak and to kick someone when they are down is bad. We should lend a helping hand. We can not led by words must must lead by example and hopefully when we fall by the wayside there is someone to give us a hand.
As a man we are taught to go it alone with a stiff upper lip. When we lose our connection to Christ we feel like we are alone but we are not we just forget to listen. In the United States we have this concept of individual freedom granting us the ability to do as we desire.
I am not free and you are not free we are slaves to our flesh. Muslims say we are slaves to Allah. The Lord Jesus Christ is my Sheppard and I shall not want but I do. I am terrified to ask GOD. The Lord's prayer tell us that GOD knows what we need so don't ask and he will give. How does one determine the things that are of GOD and things of the world.
I took a vow of poverty. I understand a lot more about nothing. A vow of poverty gives one the ability to look away from the world and towards GOD. Once one looks away from the world towards GOD they still must walk in the world. I fear leading one astray for I do not want the wraith of GOD. I find my self sitting under the shade of a tree most of the time in contemplation but as a Christian I must walk in the world.